Straight and Level: 21 Mar 2006

Nephew Dave Sadler is puzzled over a mention in the “50 years ago” column the other week about the birth of the Japan Air Self Defence Force and its first batch of North American F-86F Sabres. “Eight machines, all bearing the rising sun markings, took off from Tsuiki airfield, western Japan, and demonstrated over the base,” it said.

“But what were they demonstrating about?” asks Sadler. Overcrowded hangars perhaps?

Cynthia Strapin: “Ladies and gentlemen, we hope you have enjoyed your mid-morning sex…er, I mean snacks.” (Followed by much giggling all around.)

Overheard on a recent non-stop 18.5h transpacific flight from Los Angeles to Singapore:

Passenger (seat 41A), prays out loud for the ninth time – roughly 14h into the flight. Passenger (seat 40A), desperately trying to stay calm, turns head round, saying: “If you’re really serious – can you either pray for development of a second-generation Concorde, or a bloody good tailwind!”

Bomberider executive at industry conference, determined to prove the CSeries had suffered a Mark Twain moment and was not, in fact, dead at all.
C R Jay: “OK, let’s get the first slide of my presentation up please.”
Blank screen.
C R Jay: “Can I get some help up here?”
Assistant rejigs computer to show 21 of 24 Powerpoint images are blank.
Audience member: “So is that all that’s left of the CSeries then?”
 

Good to know someone out there is still paying attention! Nephew Tim Risbridger down there in Terminal 5 must have extra beads for his abacus or new batteries in his calculator – or both. He’s figured out a completely different answer to the apparent conundrum raised a couple of weeks ago by nephew Mike Foinette, who reckoned Boeing must have got its sums wrong when it came to the average distance flown per passenger over the massive lifetime (to date) of the 737 fleet. Our first answer, you might recall, was a mind boggling 10km per passenger based on the fact that:

12,000,000,000 passengers have flown in the 737 fleet, which has accumulated more than 120,000,000,000km.

BUT...Nephew Risbridger’s calculation shows:

12,000,000,000/150 average seats per 737 = 80,000,000 aircraft movements.

120,000,000,000km travelled/80,000,000 = 1,500km average distance travelled per aircraft and therefore ditto per passenger.

What job does this mean we need to give nephew Mike Foinette, he asks? Well, Bottom Kneddy in the Ministry of Unbelievable Aviation Statistics of course! And you Sir Tim, must go immediately and take over as Top Kneddy